mamm, kur liela karote?

well, since the title is in latvian, i'll write in english today. for all of you, for whom translators might be hard to come by... the title means "mom, where is the big spoon?" and it comes from a well known latvian fairy tale, which, like most latvian fairy tales speaks of work as a virtue and scolds the lazy.

today was an important day - a girl from paris paid kaspar a visit. we had breakfast at 11 am, ate bagels for hours and drank cappuccinos and mimosas and kaspar was on his best behaviour!

and now he's sleeping soundly and i have a list of christmas related things to do, like wrap gifts, write cards, finish orders, call friends, make dates.... oh lala. so, i leave yoy with some pictures of kaspar and his big wooden spoon. his favourite toy of the day.

and for those of you, who have kept voting for steve's band 'elliott brood's' song 'the bridge' on national playlist at the CBC radio site. thanks so much! they are still on the list, for the fifth week in a row. wow! i'm totally impressed, as they are the only relatively unknown and new band on the list. for three weeks they were in second place (one of the weeks, only one vote seperated them from being first!) and now for the last two weeks they have held out in fourth place. so... keep those votes coming and heck, invite all your friends to vote, too!

christmas tree

here it is. his first picture with our christmas tree. he looks so serious... we were home alone, so he had no choice, but to sit in the big chair while i took this photo. more to come later...

atkal snieg. sovakar uznacis tads ists putenis. butu jaiet lauka skuret sniegu vel pirms eju gulet, bet tik loti negribas. varbut jagaida kamer steve nak majas... varbut vinam uznaks iekariens skuret? diez vai. sovakar vinam velais vakars. tas parasti nozime, ka mes vinu redzam ap kadiem 4:00, kad kaspars mostas. es varetu te sedet un verot ielu un puteni vel ilgi. izskatas jau briesmigi skaisti! viss tik balts, tik tirs, tik apputejis! sniegs man rada tadu istu ziemsvetku sajutu. neciesu svetkus bez sniega. protams, daudzas lampinas pie majam uz musu ielas jau ari piepalidz! vakar vakara mes izdekorejam egli. bija gandriz vai zel dekoret, jo soreiz egle tiesam pati tik perfekta, tik skaista, ka gandriz vai gribejas atstat tadu pat pliku. tas laikam butu tads parak ekstrems izleciens kaspara pirmajos ziemsvetkos... varbut nakosgad :-)

es sodien peksni attapos, ka ir jau 15. decembris. tik sausmigi skrien laiks. neesmu vel kartinas izsutijusi uz latviju (jaludz jau jums ieprieks piedosana, ka tas sanemsit par velu!). nav ari vel davanas sagadatas. pat liekas savadi, cik loti minimali es izjutu to tipisko ziemsvetku steigu. ja nav jaiet pa veikaliem, jabrauc ar publisko transportu, tad kaut ka tas decembra troksnis paiet garam. tik fantastiski! miers... it ka jau butu jasak uztraukties... bet...

godigi sakot, sodien man uztraukumam vairs neatlika energijas, jo kaspars ar saviem zobiem mus visus te terorizeja. ja lidz sim es sudzejos, ka vins maz gul, tad tagad vins gul vel mazak. ja lidz sim bija vins uz rokam jaaizmidzina, tad sodien vinu vispar no rokam izlaist nevareja. un tad vel ir uznakusi tadi jauni untumi, ka piemeram - jauna zoba izmeginasana uz mammas zoda. ja! vins man sodien ta iekampas zoda, ka es burtiski iekliedzos un to mazo nespetni parbaidiju tik sausmigi, ka vins pec tam nebija vairs aizmidzinams. tad vel, vins ir izdomajis, ka no 3:00 nakti lidz 5:00 no rita nav verts gulet. tas esot tas labakais laiks spelitem! vakar nakti man nekas cits neatlika, ka speleties ar vinu turpat vai divas stundas pirms vins bija atkal gatavs iet gulet. ja. nevaru sudzeties, mums patiesam iet interesanti! galvenais labi, ka mes esam te tris pieaugusie, ko vins var tramdit no rita lidz vakaram. (pareizak sakot no rita lidz nakamam ritam) ar vienu jau vinam nepietiktu! un visi tris vinu lutina, cits par citu vairak... kas bus velak? es jau lielas ceribas lieku uz jums visiem.... vasara bus laikam javed uz latviju maciba pie stingrakam tantem un onkuliem!

nu, laikam jau man bus sovakar jabeidz te dzejot. jamegina vel kadu stundu nosnaust, kamer kaspars gul. citadi, kas to lai zina vai dabusu gulet pa nakti jeb ne... es nemaz iedomaties nevaru, ka butu tagad ja mana muterite un steve nebutu seit. cik labi, ka tas laiks ir pagajis! tas nebija vieglas nedelas...

the first...

yay! he's got it! his first tooth has broken through. over the course of the night, he kept me up and i could not figure out why he wouldn't sleep. he wanted to feed every hour and kept waking up and fussing all night. by 6 am i was beside myself. steve got up to take him with the intention of letting me sleep for another hour, but how could i? how could anyone??? the crying echoed through the house and even though i was pressing one ear into the mattres and had two pillows piled on my head to drown out the noise, it wasn't gonna happen. so. i got up. took kaspar for a while. as we began playing and he did his usual 'i chew your finger' game... i noticed it. it was like a little tiny sharp razor edge on the bottom gum line. how exciting! first tooth, and he's not even 5 months, a few days shy of 5 months. i'm impressed! and feeling much better about the lack of sleep, because at least now i know the reason for my staying up all night. it makes a difference, believe me! i got out all my teething gels and drops. got the kid a bit drugged :-) and as he relaxed, we stood by the window and watched the sunrise together. the entire neighbourhood was painted pink. even the smoke from the chimneys rose pink. but, the fun didn't last. he was tired. waking up at 6 am means taking the first nap by 8am. he passed out, still quietly whimpering in his sleep... i wonder... how much does it hurt to have your teeth come in? does anyone remember that time in their lives?

we had big plans for today. we were going to attenda a funeral. yes - that can be exciting for us! it's an outing amongst adults, after all. the funeral is for a mother of a family friend, who passed away. she was a 100 years old. i'm not kidding! but, since the whole teething event has taken us by surprise, i think we will stay in. kaspar is not in much of a mood to be amongst a whole lot of people. and i think he's got a bit of a fever, too. besides, it's a good reason not to go outdoors, because the 'feels like' temperatures today have been posted in the high teens. even though in reality it's only -6 out. i'm still not much of a believer :-)

here are a couple of sunrise pictures for your viewing pleasure and kaspar, passed out at 8 am. don't you wish we all could take our first nap at 8 am? having made it to work, just after dealing with the morning traffic... it would be such a good idea. an hour long nap. i say we should lobby for it. the elections are coming up... if we cannot get the whole of canada to do it, then at the very least the city of toronto, or ontario. in latvia it should be easy to accomplish. we just have to convince vaira vike freiberga... :-)

cold, dark & snowy days

it's strange how fast the days fly by. especially at this time of the year. it's almost as though the year itself is racing us to the finish line. but in january time slows down. february, too. by the time march rolls around i always feel like winter has been here forever. like the spring will never come. and this year we have allready had an unusual amount of cold days and snow! personally, i'm almost done with winter. i would be very happy, if winter lasted until mid january and we'd have tulips blooming by mid february. however, do not misunderstand me. i do like winter. as long as it's snowy, not too cold and nice and short. so, no... i don't want to live in florida or anything like that.

sunday morning we drove out of town to get ourselves a little christmas tree. for many years we have been getting potted trees for christmas (and most years they have lived to see not only one christmas, but two!!!) it always made me feel better to be able to plant the tree in the spring, in some friend's parent's back yard. however, this year i had to come to the painful realizations that none of our planted trees have survived. they must cut too much of the root system, when potting the trees. that's my guess. so, this time we decided to go out and chop ourselves a fresh little tree from one of those tree growing places, where you walk into a field and pretty much every tree is perfect, every one is grown for the exact purpose of being butchered during the month of december and even though the landscape looks pretty, there is a certain sadness to it. indeed, on these farms, every tree is beautiful, yet, we still spent a good half hour walking around, trying to find 'the one'. it was an absolutely gorgeous day - snow falling, not too cold, just like this picture... next year, we hope to find a smaller, less commercial tree farm!

early on a sunday morning

i cannot figure out this blog posting to save my life. no, i have not read the help pages, so i truly should not be allowed to complain. but. but... the pictures in the last blog looked so crappy. i think i will have to learn how to use html - the mumbo jumbo of letters, forward slashes and brackets.

thanks to a certain someone, we woke up bright and early. 6:20 am. still dark out. boy, to think that i used to complain about having to get up at 8 am for work! now, days when we might sleep until 8 or 9 are extremely rare. they usually follow nights of no sleep. this morning we managed to play hide and seek in bed for a good 45 minutes. (steve must have been going crazy, as he only came to bed at 3am) by now, i've had two cups of good strong coffee and am feeling much better about life :-)

yesterday we spent the day milling about and receiving guests. the open house was a great success. we all sold some stuff and by the end of the day were feeling quite happy and intoxicated. i'm sure it had nothing to do with the mulled wine we sipped throughout the day. tania and paul kicked around for a bit longer, while we got the fireplace going, only for the second time since moving into this house. it's awesome. there is nothing like it! having a real fire going in a house on a wintry evening is absolutely blissful. especially coupled with some good old gram parsons.

posted pictures: first is a pic of tania love's gorgeous silk pillows and skirts on our couch. they did look marvelous in my living room. too bad i cannot keep the rest!(got to brag that my mom made that 5 seater couch for us in one day on and old frame we pulled off the curb on garbage day! we love it!!!) the second is a pic of tania howell's birds. my favourite illustrations of hers! she's applying for a birdwatching grant in latvia (as of yesterday)! we might need some volunteer guides and translators :-) !
the third is a (bad quality!) little shot of my newest line of jewellery. yes. i've gone colour crazy! if i could have found coloured stones, i would have used them, but for now it's enamel. enameling in the middle of the night. and the last, but not the least... kaspars. i swear he was trying to learn to whistle. you know, that loud two finger whistle, like the guys in the ballpark do it? unfortunately it's an art i have not mastered. i was no good as a teacher. however, i'll proudly point out that after a half hour of messing around, i've taught myself enough html to post pictures, where i want them to appear. and the right size, too! hope y'all appreciate my efforts! and now we're off to the tree farm. while the snow is falling and kaspar is happy, and steve is not working, we're off to chop a little tree down for ourselves. we'll keep you posted!

so terribly sorry...

i'm so sorry. so very very sorry to have kept you all hanging for two days. i admit, that after the all-nighter i pulled last night i was very tempted to go to bed ... but the pangs of guilt... oh. so here it comes. at least a short note on the last few days.

the day before yesterday steve got home from his oh-so-very successful tour across the country and back. only the last show fell apart, because it seems there was a dead body on the road and no way to get around it. yes. it's true! they had to take a motel room and wait until the morning before the highway got reopened. that's rural canada for you!!! so, my reason for not writing that day - steve. how could i take a man's favourite toy away? he's been gone for weeks. no computer for days on end. there must have been millions of emails waiting... so, my blog was put on hold.

yesterday - day before my 'open house'. we spent the day cleaning, setting up, polishing, pricing, decorating. oh. so busy. steve was off to a show in oshawa in the afternoon. i stayed up doing some final polishing and finishing touches. at about 4am i finally called it a night only to wake up with kaspar at 4:30; 5:15; 6:02; 6:30 and finally 7:12 ... will he ever sleep?

but at 4am, as i was about to pass out, i pulled the curtains open and watched the snow land on the rooftops across the street. big white flakes. lots and lots of them, like bees, humming in the lamplight. it was beautiful! the snowstorm, over the course of the night, dumped about 12 cm of the fluffy white stuff on the city. all of a sudden everyhting wa so bright in the night. the unfortunate part was the morning, when i had to wake up and shovel the sidewalks before the school kids stomped through it and made it that much more impossible to shovel. oh, but even shoveling was great. so crisp and white and fresh out.

tonight was the first night of my open house / studio sale. it turned out quite nice. i'll take some pictures tomorrow, so that you all can see. tomorrow we'll be open from 10 am - 6 pm.

the few pictures today - me with a view from our bedroom window before the snow - sunspots in the bedroom (it's a great room with awesome light!!!) - and steve with kaspar both smiling (i'm not quite sure, if kaspar isn't just pretending...)

and i'm off to bed tonight. i'm not even proofing this or spell checking.... or else i'll fall asleep. goodnight!

just that kind of a day. gray.

i'll be first to admit. i'm cheating with the picture. it wasn't really taken today. astrida took it a few days ago, but i really like it. love it. so i thought i'll post it anyway. hope you all like it!

i had a little argument today about the weather (strange - the things one argues about!) and it made me think about this so called "chill factor", the "feels like" temperature, the "wind factor"... it's really a joke, you know! how do you measure what the temperature 'fells like'??? it might feel like -20 on the street, but more like -15 in my back yard. how do you prove these things? where do they measure the 'feels like' temperatures? is there the official 'feels like' temperature spot in the city? today it was -5 degrees out. on the weather network site they posted 'feels like -20' in bold lettering. is it just canada or do they use these antics elsewhere in the world? is it scare tactics, so that less people would go outside? or is it just for city people, so that they don't under dress, when they go out in the mornings? maybe it's a US invented tactic for canadians (who live so far in the north! practically near the north pole... ) so that we can brag to the relatives and friends in warmer climate zones - oh, yes, it was -20 out. so very cold. well, not really -20, but it felt like -20! they never had 'feels like' temperature readings where i grew up. sure. at times it feels colder. it's windy. or humid. or something. but.... let's get real people. it cannot be measured!!! can it?

we had this strange, strange day. lack of sleep mixed with lack of eating, producing cranky me and cranky baby. no, no, i ate like a horse, as usual. i eat for two these days - literally! but kaspar was off kilter. i managed to take a 2h nap, when my mom got in from work. i still have a hard time getting over guilty feelings, when i sleep during the day. it just feels so unproductive. but occasionally we have days like this one. sort of a 'write off' day. so, here i sit at 10pm, trying to get a few emails done, a few more hours of work, a few more words... tomorrow steve arrives home from his tour. he'll probably drop off his bags and be off to work within an hour or so. i'm having a studio sale at home on the week-end, so i hope to get more work done in the studio tomorrow. kaspar gets to hang out with his omamma for a day. so goes the life... i feel a little tired and cold and a bit sad. for no reason. just that kind of a day. gray.

discoveries - feet and ginger tea

he's dicovered his feet. yes! the socks don't stay on and if they do, then they get pretty wet and goobery. it's not enough just trying to smell the foot. oh no! first the big toe goes in. then, if he figures out how not to gagg himself, the rest of the toes get shoved in and before you know it, he's got half of his foot in his mouth. let me tell you, it's a funny obsession! absolutely hillarious to watch. he can be preoccupied for a good 45 minutes with his feet, if he's in a good mood. and he's been in a good mood pretty much all day... and obsessed with his feet pretty much all day. :-) this morning we had an ultrasound appointemnt at the hospital. he fell asleep in the doctors office while holding his foot up to his cheek. bizzare. where does that flexibility go? i certainly cannot perform tricks like this!

i, on the other hand, have rediscovered ginger tea. the strong kind. the kind that they make at the tea room in riga. with two heaping spoonfuls of fresh chopped ginger on a cup of water and a whole lot of lemon. it's the tea that warms you up like no other! and it's especially good with maple syrup as a sweetener. it's a must try! i've been feeling the winter these past few days. it's getting colder and damper, it seems. a good cup of ginger tea chases the winter chills away!!!

my pet peeve of the day - they don't make pink christmas lights anymore (or purple ones, either) we spent half the day driving from one store to another looking for mini lights in pink, purple and blue colours (yes, separate strands, not the fancy new ones with all three colours on one strand), but it seems they are nowhere to be found. who bought all the pink ones? tania? come on, people... share, if you have them!!! we finally found a couple of very helpful chaps at the keele street canadian tire. the poor men. they were trying to organize the lights shelf, while frantic customers, myself included, were trying to find the colour and shape of lights they needed. impossible task! for either party. i think they had pretty much figured that out by the time i showed up in the isle. so, they decided to help me, instead. a grand idea! and helpful they were! really. very helpful. they actually figured out that the blue lights were never shelved and went to the wearhouse in the back and brought them out for me. isn't that nice? thanks grant and graham (or whatever your names were)... you made my day!

sleep

it's been long since i last had
dreams at night. i always thought that the short snip-bits of sleep were the cause. since kaspar was born, i've been sleeping pretty much in two or three hour intervals. but, tonight i fell asleep only for an hour (by mistake, again, and came close to missing another blog entry, yikes!) and i dreamed. i had a dream i've had before, once or twice. it's one of those strange dreams, where you know that it's a dream, but you dream it anyway. and the dream is more like a movie, because you know your role in it and all you have to do is play it and let the dream continue. it's kind of a scary dream. i always wonder why i allow myself to keep dreaming it, because i already know how it will end. there is mafia and guns and violence and it always ends with one of the mafia guys getting murdered and my grandmother coming into her living room, where i've been sleeping, to wake me up. she walks to the window. it's still dark outside. and it's so real. the most realistic moment in the entire dream, just like she used to do, whenever i was sleeping over... she walks into that room, in the dark, pulls back the curtain a little (on the street side window), looks out onto the street, sighs and says something very casual, like 'you're awake i see. it rained last night. the streets are muddy.' but in the dream, there is a dead body leaning against the window. she does not see it. it's forehead is resting low, almost against the very bottom edge of the window pane. i know it's there even before she pulls back that curtain. i also know that she will miss it. why do i have this dream? it's strange and sad and frightening. and yet, strangely reassuring, because of her. i wonder, if by writing about it, i might make it not repeat again. hm? i used to have another dream, when i was a kid. it reminds me of this one, because it was also one of those 'repeating, know you're dreaming' types of dreams. and it also involved my grandmother's room and her window. it was about someone robbing our house and me chasing the robbers out the window into the back yard and telling my neighbour ineta to lock their house and greenhouse. i remember being very very frightened. and i think it involved me breaking my ankle or something like that. she, my grandmother, was always in the dreams. and they repeated so often that they began developing, like movie plots and changing and expanding. but she was always there. like a rock. anchoring the dream into reality, somehow. not letting me forget that it was just a dream. i wonder if kaspar dreams. i wonder if he can feel me dream, when he sleeps on my belly? i think he slept very peacefully (once he finally fell asleep), because i slept for a whole hour, not even feeling his weight on me.

today i tried to decorate the house a little, for christmas. i didn't get far. it's hard trying to find the time between meals and playing and all that. it's a start. i'll post some pictures, when there is something to show :-) but, while kaspar slept i managed to spend a couple of hours browsing the web and looking through the list of freshly posted 'inspirational sites' by my friend tania. they are always great! i don't know how she finds these cooky, cool sites, but i love checking them out. love it! there is one that i spent a lot of time on, called hel looks. you've got to take a look at it. unfortunately it's got nothing to do with hell. he. he. he. hel stands for helsinki, i believe. take a look at it yourself, i'm not about to go into full description of the page...

svetdiena. mes sorit nokavejam dievkalpojumu, jo pamodamies loti velu (bija agrais bernu dievkalpojums musu baznica). es jau ta isti negribu atzities, bet fakts ir - es priecajos, ka mes aizgulejamies! bernu dievkalpojumi kasparam vel ir mazsvarigi un man tie nepatik.... sodiena pagajusi tada svetdienas miera, ka migla. mes sorit patiesam svinejam svetkus un edam lasmaizites brokastis. tas ir retums, seit kanada. (protams, riga jeb talsos es tadas esmu edusi biezi!) es nopirku mazo paku kristapsona zaveto lasi un sodien mes ar mammu pa abam to notiesajam. bija gan makten gards! jau otra advente. pecpusdiena bija jakeras pie majas dekoresanas. vakar atvedam zaru kaudzi no sidrabenes, lai butu ar ko maju uz svetkiem izdekoret, bet man sodien iznaca laika tikai vienai detalai - es nopinu garu, garu vitni, ko uzlikam ap durvju rami lielaja istaba. forsi. smarzo pec svetkiem! ar to pagaidam bus ari japietiek. mamma paguva gan ielas puse uztaisit forsu puski poda un pie reliniem piesiet kadus eglu zarus. kaspars bija loti apmierinats lielako dienas dalu un pat tris reizes iemiga (gan tikai uz nepilnu stundu). bet vakara puse gan uznaca lielais nogurums un no 6:00 lidz 8:00 es vinu prakstiski uz rokam nesaju, lai tikai nebutu jalaiz vala lielais raudiens. ko lai dara? ta nu mums kadreiz iet... un nu vini abi gul, bet es pamodusies atnacu vel uzrakstit musu sodienas deku atskaiti.

oh dear, i've missed a day

oh dear. how will i recover from this? i've missed a day of posting. i told you it would eventually lead to this. one day missed. then one more. then a week gone by. and before i know it, i will forget about the blog. nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

it must have been all that fresh air yesterday and the three hour long walk we had in the morning. i actually fell asleep last night while putting kaspar to bed ( i think i might have fallen asleep before he did, because i don't remember him sleeping...) and did not wake up until 1 am, when he was ready to eat. good thing, too, because after that we were awake pretty much every hour until 6 am. having a child is really an amazing experience, absolutely, except for the waking every hour part! ... during these types of mornings, believe me, there is nothing more blissful then having your mom walk into the room and say - "i'll hang out with him. go. sleep for a couple of hours." oh, what a blessing!!!

i'm posting a picture ( i really like this one!) i took yesterday at the jazz cafe, where we spent some time warming up and taking a break during our 3 hour long walk. jazz cafe has this amazing coffee. i love it. i swear, their plain cup of coffee tastes better then a cappuccino! and i really like cappuccino. especially the plain sorts. like the ones around the corner from my friend's place in montreal. mmm. cappuccino! have one on me, today!

i wish that this blog would allow me to post movies. today i took this amazing little film of kaspar (with my digital camera) , holding on to a mirror and talking to himself, kissing, licking and pointing at himself in the mirror. it was like he had just discovered the mirror (or himself), even though it had been there pretty much since his birth. very funny! wish you could have seen it. in fact he's been pulling a whole lot of tricks out of the bag lately. a few days ago he surprised me by grabbing on to my hands and pulling himself up on his feet. i almost dropped him off the sofa! i knew he could pull himself up to a seated position, but not on his feet. tonight, while we were having dinner with some friends, lari made him laugh out loud and giggle for a good 15 minutes. he was just deliriously happy! i had never seen him giggle and laugh for such a long time! he totally hit it off with laris. well, i'm sure i could think of a few dozen other things to write about, but just in case my fate is being awake every hour, once again, i better get to bed soon. tomorrow is sunday. another week gone by. another week closer to christmas. another week added to kaspar's life. he'll be 20 weeks old tomorrow. 20 weeks ago i gave birth to this little chap. wow. it seems so long ago. he's changed so much in these few weeks of his life. i promise to post some good pics of him tomorrow.