oh, i feel the pressure... i feel it, i do!

oh, the pressure! yes, i know, i know... it's been a week. i'm sorry! i'm absolutely honoured to be so wanted by you :-) we have had quite a week since steve got home from tour. not only he's been hogging the computer, but i've also been working on pieces for a show that's coming up in march. then on the week-end we drove up north with some friends. monday and tuesday nights were spent with family, friends and neighbours. busy, busy lives, you see!

steve got home last week, the day after we found out about the juno nomination. he was thrilled. the whole band was on the ninth cloud, in fact! the tour had been incredible. they had played sold out venues, sold a whole lot of cd's and got a good stack of press. this week they're doing some cbc interviews and on friday they head out to barcelona. what a high! i'm feeling it, too, even if it isn't all that direct.... i get asked now and then, if i will go to the junos. the answer, unfortunately is - no. first of all, even if i was invited, kaspar wouldn't be. and the other thing - they are charging partners of juno nominees full ticket price for the event, which ends up being $450. i think that is absolutely outrageous! i have a million of things i'd much rather spend that kind of cash on... steve will have to party for both of us.

kaspar has been an absolute darling for the last week. he's been sleeping well. he's been eating everything from green peas to broccoli, mangos, strawberries and best of all - loving yogurt. he can eat an adult sized yogurt cup in one sitting and still ask for more. and he's starting to really get into playing. he'll happily sit on the floor with some toys and play. he's also learning how to crawl. the beginning stages of crawling have been more like shuffling backwards with chest flat on the floor, legs doing all the work. however, last week-end emils (he's almost four years old) was good enough to demonstrate the proper crawling position to kaspar. he picked up on it fast. now he's using arms and legs and the backwards crawl is going very well. i wonder how long it will take before he figures out how to move forward. i try to entice him with toys and things, but he only gets more and more frustrated as he's moving further and further away from the 'wanted' item. he just does not get it... poor kid! in this picture he's trying to chase emil's foot! if you look carefully you'll notice the white sock in the corner of the shot :-) yes, emils got away, because kaspar backed into the couch.

we spent the last week-end on healey lake. it was an annual event of a sorts for a few years but last year we all got too busy and skipped the wintry fun. it was nice to go again! our friends christina and erik own a cottage on healey lake, however, it's not winterized... so, we rent a cabin on the other end of the lake, right near the local 'lodge'. the lake is only a couple of hours north of toronto, but it's unbelievable how different the weather can be. we left toronto, early on saturday morning, snow-less, dry, cold and rather dark. only an hour north of the city the snow banks began growing and by the time we arrived in mctier (the town near healey lake) the snow banks on the sides of the road were at least a meter high. it also began to snow as soon as we left the city limits and it did not stop snowing for the two days while we were there. on sunday morning we measured almost a foot of the fresh white stuff on the driveway and began wondering if the snow plows will reach us before the evening. unfortunately they did... we were sad to leave the winter wonderland. however, some of us had to return back to work! here is an awesome snow shot of us out on he road. it's hard to believe that this was the main road leading to the lodge!!! toronto, on the other hand was just the same as we had left it. no sign of the mountains of snow we had in the north.

i've spent the better part of this week working on my new line of work, taking pictures, writing artist statements and organizing applications. it's that time of the year, when a lot of the show applications are due. a bit of stress. a bit of pressure. there is nothing like it to get me motivated and get stuff done. i know i've been promising pictures of work, so here are a couple. some are still pieces in progress. there are still many kinks to work out... but, i'm loving the studio time. it would be very hard to handle being home with kaspar, if i did not have my studio. i consider myself very lucky!

well on that happy note, i think i might end this photo issue. i'm thinking of watching either some figure skating or american idol. cbc was advertising tonight's shows - they said that tonight is the night to catch some sappy music, melodrama and skimpy outfits. apparently both of the shows offer that! :-) i'm not sure what to pick. sappy music, melodrama and skimpy outfits are not rally my cup of tea, but we only get two chanels and both seem to be showing just that. and i'm too lazy to walk the four blocks to rent a movie... lazy, yup!

oh my god!

elliott brood has been nominated for a juno. i'm speechless. i'm going to need some time to recover. steve got back from his tour this morning at 4am. and kaspar got up at 6am. and i'm speechless.... and tired... and cold... and.... just speechless, really.

un tiem, kas varbut neesat tik zinosi par kanadas muzikas notikumiem, es paskaidrosu tapat, ka es skaidroju savai mammai... jus zinat, kas ir 'oskari', ja? vai zinat kas ir 'grammy awards'? tas ir tadas pasas balvas, ka 'oskari' filmam, tikai muzikai. un 'juno awards' ir tas pats, kas 'grammy awards' amerika, bet tikai kanadas versija. :-) ja, un steve grupa ir nomineta rock/folk muzikas kategorija. turesim ikskus!

explaining the socks and what not

ha, ha, ha.... i just took a peak at my last blog and realized that my title has nothing to do with the blog. baby brain! hi, hi, hi!

let me explain about the socks... i am a big fan of stripes and colours, when it comes to socks. (and no, this is not a picture of my striped socks, even though i wish, oh, i do wish they were!) so, very often i walk around the house sporting my multi coloured toes. but kaspar thinks that this must be some game i play especially for him. sometimes he'll be sitting on the carpet, playing on his own and i'll just walk into the room or walk by him, when he, with a yelp will fling himself at my feet and then giggle or scream with joy. at first i couldn't figure it out. i thought perhaps he was falling over. but then the laughter gave it away. it's a game of a sorts for him. sometimes, when he's in the mood, he'll dive for my brown slippers, too. maybe he's just pretending to be a cat. however, i don't even know, if he's ever met a live cat (no, he has not seen a dead one either, but many green yellow and blue cats in the form of stuffed animals and flat ones in picture books!)... has he, hmm?

here is the big news of the day - he's growing hair! i've been dying to write about this for a few days now, but every time i try taking a picture of his hair, it only looked like 'lack there of'. but this morning i managed to snap one. and don't you dare tell me that there is no hair. this is quite a lot of hair for kaspar! you can see the swirl on the back of his head! i'm so used to having him without hair. what will he look like with hair? time is on my side i guess. his hair is taking it's sweet time and giving me a chance to get slowly used to it.

and here is a picture of a new favourite. this is a borrowed toy from his friends markus & emil (who, at the moment have outgrown/not old enough for it!) we have inherited it for the time being. kaspar loves it. it's like a little table with buttons and keys and things. it plays music and funny sounds and even though he's not strong enough to stand next to it to play, we have figured out that the toy is just as good on it's side or even with legs removed right on the floor. i'm sure i will soon be cursing the factory in thailand or china that made this thing (that sort of music can quickly start to drive one crazy...) but for now, it's a great new toy. in the mornings it gives me a chance to make coffee and sometimes even check email.

well. he's up. the nap lasted only an hour. i got a hair cut and did my blog - all in the matter of one hour. not so bad. not bad at all!

socks and what not

it has been six days now, since kaspar began sitting. i mean sitting completely on his own. no pillows. no hands. no propping up. before that, he used to sit up for about a minute or so, and then he would just fall over. almost like some invisible hand had come and pushed him over. he'd fall, either on his side or right back. a few times, when i was not quick enough to catch him or put a pillow behind him, his head would hit the carpet with a thud. a frightening sound, really. he wouldn't get upset, though, i assume it sounded worse then it was. i had never thought about it that way, but babies have to learn absolutely everything, even how to fall. no wonder we do not remember those first years of our lives. if we did, we might be damaged for life. imagine the frustration? learning how to eat, how to walk, talk, fall, crawl, grip and the list goes on and on... and at the same time growing an inch a month or so. and not being able to communicate with the rest of the world. it has to be hard being a baby!

moving mountains

i feel like i've moved mountains today! truly! getting through the red tape of canadian government agencies is like moving mountains. let me indulge you for a moment....
did you know that officially it takes three months for a child to get his or her birth certificate? yes. that is what they tell you, when you call the agency. and the application form consists of four pages, where the questions are so confusing (things like - the applicant is not the child, but one of the parents!), that i have managed to make mistakes on both copies of the official forms i had ordered. however, when i called the office to ask where i could pick up another application form, they conveniently forgot to tell me that there is a web site, where you can fill out a simplified version of the form, pay and order the stupid certificate all from the convenience of your own computer chair! that was about five days ago.

i do have to stroke my own ego, here, a little. i was wise. i did not give up that easy. i figured... most government forms are downloadable. let's do a search. and sure enough, i found the site, filled out the form, ordered the certificate and exactly four days later i got a notice in the mail box to come and pick it up. four days! what the #@$%??? how is that possible? how can it take three months on paper and be done in four days on the web? i just don't get it. and it seems like the web thing is the best kept secret, because none of the other mothers i have talked to knew anything about this site and they all have ordered their kid's birth certificates. infuriating!

but...i did not get off that easy. when i went to pick it up, it turned out i had to show them the original bith registry form. we never got that. at least, not that i can remeber. (i hope steve is not going to tell me otherwise!) this meant having to go to the city hall to get an official copy. then back to etobicoke for the birth certificate. finally, after standing in line-ups three times & spending 90$, a whole three hours later i had the little piece of paper in my hand. score! i headed straight for the dufferin mall, where the closest government office issuing SIN numbers is located and stood in another line up and got that done, too. so that's my story. it was exhausting. but now my child has all the paperwork necessary to be a functioning, official citizen of this country. or i've just been through all the red tape i can handle for a while.

blah, blah, blah

can't really bring myself to write anyhting. maybe kaspar can start doing his own blogs, soon... i went to work today for about four hours. it really got me down. oh well. maybe tomorrow...

the two day long entry

it seems like we have not had much of a winter for over a month now, so, you can understand my surprise, when steve calls me last night to tell me that they have been caught in a snowstorm that is supposed to deliver from 30 - 40 cm of the white stuff over the course of the night. that's only 5 hours north of toronto! strange... we were supposed to get snow, as well, but we mostly got rain and the bits of flurries that did appear, disappeared as soon as they hit the ground. the weather has been very strange this winter!

today is sunday, and yet i have not done a single thing to make me feel like it's sunday. the weather has been windy enough and kaspar has had a sniffle, big enough to make me not want to go outside. so, i'm hanging out at home with my kiddo and pampering my mother, who's sort of an invalid today. she slipped and fell on the stairs last night and pretty badly bruised her back. thank god she managed to catch herself! i feel for her... i remember a certain boy named george, who pulled a chair out from behind me, and i fell and hit my tail bone and lower back on the edge of the chair. i was in pain for a long time. i've hated the name george, ever since!

well, this didn't get finished last night... kaspar woke up and we had three hours of sincere crying. it was not just cranky screaming, but absolutely sincere crying with a flood of tears followed by two hours of hiccups (or, you know the sort of gasping for air, like one does, after very hard and long crying) i'm not sure, but i wonder if his gums are hurting. he does have a couple of very hard, about to pop, bumps on his lower gum line. who knows. that's the hardest part - not being able to understand why the crying occurs. anyway... now, we're up. happy. well. he's happy. i'm relatively happy. i'm more sleepy then happy. but, i just made myself three cappuccinos, so i will be better in a few minutes. yes, i do find it extremely hard to wake up at 6am. it does not happen every day, but probably about half the days of his life, kaspar wakes up just after 6am. and, if steve is not home to take him for that first hour (or, if he just got in at 4am) then i'm it!

i'm listening to cbc radio. it's kind of my lifeline. very often i have 'cbc one' on in the background, while i'm working or cooking or something. kaspar is definitely used to it. i realized this morning, that he perked up and listened to it intently as the metro morning jingle came on. funny! he's very tuned into different sounds. not talking, but musical sounds. i like the constant flow of useful or sometimes useless information... but in either case there is something to think about and listen to, while my hands are at work. i'm very proud to say that as of this week not only one, but two of my friends work for cbc. how awesome is that!?!



here is kaspar - the star. this is my saving grace in the mornings. when he gets his hands on the microphone, he's busy for a good twenty minutes, which gives me a chance to finish my blog and in turn gives you all a couple of good pics. hope you all have a great day and great week ahead!

a different point of view

"everyone looks at the world from a different point of view"... believe it or not, but it's a line i pulled from a commercial. i'm not sure, but i think it's for a bank or some corporation. is it the success of the add that makes me remember the line or the failure of it that makes me not know what it advertises.... i don't know, and... who cares. however, it does ring true, does it not? we're unique. our points of view. our experiences. lives. feelings. the whole lot.

steve left for another tour with his band this morning. every time he leave on tour, i hate it. i resent having to let him go. however, i love his band and i do love the fact that they are having success in what they do. and, if i have to let him go, then there is no one else i'd better see him go with then mark and casey. actually, until recently i have not had much of a reaction to his touring, but having kaspar has made a huge difference. until this year, steve's touring simply meant me having more 'me time'. now it just means steve missing time with kaspar. it all depends on your point of view, does it not?

i spent most of the day today catching up with friends, answering messages, e-mails and talking to my sister on skype. skype is one of those internet based phone services, where calling long distance is not just cheap, but free. i love it! it gives me a chance to talk to my family overseas for free for as long as i like! oh. technology is awesome! at least from this point of view.

kaspar has more teeth on the way. i cannot wait until these next few come in. he's been cranky, whiny and picky all day, but now he's sleeping soundly. he's changed a lot over the last few days. i feel like he's become more grown up, almost overnight. i was hanging out with him this afternoon, trying to remember all the things he used to do and making notes of stuff he does now, and i just had to admit it - i'm already forgetting. changes come and go so fast. it's so easy to forget. he's growing so fast... that's just my point of view!

feelin' better ... all the time

oh. what a bliss. i'm feeling better today. the overdose of ginger tea and lemon and vitamins and echinacia must have done some good. kaspar and i both shoved up at the doctor's office today, but i was forced to fake it. i had to pretend i was feeling worse then i really was... i'm not sure if she bought it. anyhow... the stats are as follows - at six months and two weeks kaspar weighs 18 1/4 pounds or 8.278 kg, is 76 cm or 30.18 inches, which puts him at 98 percentile in height and 57 percentile in weight for his age group. his speech pattern, responsiveness and physical development is closer to an average 8 month old. that's just statistics. it does not mean much, really... noe the less, it's fascinating, huh?

steve just got back from the states. i can now bragg that we are the owners of a new, old car. we have managed to get our hands on a ten year old volvo wagon. i have been on pins and needles all day, waiting to see how all the transfers go through customs, but all is well. steve is back with the new car! now, we just hve to sell the old one. yikes... i'm glad i'm not in charge of that!

well. i think that's enough news for one day. isn't it? i'm about to go for a spin in our new wagon before steve changes his mind about it.

i'm sick

i've been in denial for a couple of days now... but i think i have to admit it - i'm sick. whatever kaspar had must have been passed on to me and i just developed it into a full blown cold. it sucks. i feel sorry for myself. my head feels heavy. my voice is groggy. i'm sneezing every few minutes. glad that kaspar got through this first. at least i don't have to deal with sick me and sick baby at the same time.

in fact, kaspar has been feeling great. today he had the giggles most of the day. it was quite funny. i'd just show him my finger and he'd laugh. i'd give him the spoon -another bout of laughter. i try feeling him - more giggles. that was the hardest part. half of his sweet potato mush ended up on my pants and my face. later we spent a good half hour playing with his hat. just putting it on and pulling it off produced a whole load of laughter. his laugh is so funny, too. when he laughs, he sounds like a little donkey. he makes no sound breathing out, but when he breathes in, it's kind of like he makes this little eeh-ahh sound. i cannot explain it. but it's very funny. and the more we laugh at him the more he laughs...

the other really cool thing - he's starting to figure out how to use his teeth. in the beginning he was just biting left and right, hurting our hands, his own hands and fingers, and hurting his upper gums(which still have no teeth) while trying to bite into hard things, but he's finally figured out that the two little sharp white things on the bottom of his gums are of some use. i'm giving some credit to these little cookies called mumm-mumms, which are hard for biting, but melt in the mouth very fast. today he spent a nice long time (while i was watching him very closely, ready to shove a finger down his throat, if necessary) gnawing on a cucumber. and he did it very well. he basically scraped little bits of it, with his bottom teeth into his mouth and swallowed. here is a picture to prove it. and he was very good about it, not taking big bites, not gagging on bits... i was very impressed. one of these days he might actually graduate to hard food. after making mush twice a day for the last six weeks, it's hard to belive that a day might come, when mush will not be a part of my daily routine.

tomorrow we are due at our doctor's for a regular check-up. i'll post the new data in the next blog. remind me, if i forget :-) i'm blindly going into this one. i have not checked for weeks what he weighs or how much he's grown. and now i'm so curious to find out. it's funny... how often we used to check his weight in the beginning. for the first couple of months i must have measured his length almost daily. and now... well, i guess now i'm measuring progress in bites of cucumber!

it's almost midnight. i have to get into the habit of writing earlier in the day. i run out of steam and forget all those marvelous little tid bits of stuff i was going to write about... tired. goodnight.