an odd sort of a day

first of all, i owe my sister an apology. it wasn't her! she didn't call me lazy. but, i know she would have, if she had though of it first. i bet she's biting her nails and wishing it was her. it turns out that some of my friends are pretty gutsy... some of my friend's parents even more so! got to love it :-) it's shocking to find out how many people read this little notepad of mine on a regular basis. all my love to all you odd people out there. sorry for the missed days and empty, uninspiring chatter. i'm not going to promise anything more. this is all you get. ha!

today was odd. early in the day we watched a suicidal man skating on the high park pond. yes! i say suicidal, because it has been cold for maybe a day and a night... ok, maybe two nights. the lake is hardly frozen. the edges of the lake were all water. i’m not exaggerating, for a good half a meter there was open water. and there, in the middle of the lake, just like he had fallen out of the white sky, there was a man on skates. it was beautiful. he was making gorgeous white carved lines onto the black shiny ice. the light behind him. the ice all dark. almost as though the lake was about to swallow him. he was floating. fast. back and forth. in circles. tracing the wisps of clouds in the sky. i hope he made it off the ice, as well. i stood there watching him for 15, maybe 20 minutes and then kaspar woke up and i had to start walking home. do you ever wonder if the things you see are just a mirage? it was kind of like that. it seemed so very surreal.

the crisp morning turned into a gorgeous, sunny day with temperatures reaching +7 in the sun. i spent some time sitting on the porch, soaking in the sun, daydreaming. kaspar slept for a long time. i managed to carry the stroller into the house without him waking up and he stayed asleep for an extra hour after our two hour long walk. what a bliss! tomorrow the weather man predicts +8 and sunny. it might be even nicer then today. i love this lack of winter. i wish every january was like this! i only feel bad for people who own businesses up north. they must be suffering! so sorry...

since kaspar's arrival, me and steve (and my mom, too, i have to give her some of the credit!) keep coming up with all sorts of new inventions for better baby products. there have been many great ideas and many already forgotten. if we had the wisdom to patent them all, we might actually be rich one day. tonight i invented the ideal baby/parent friendly telephone/toy. it's based on the fact that most babies love to play with items that parents use - like the telephone. but the phone is not very baby friendly. easy fix - stick a rubber nipple on the antenna and watch your kid be amused for hours!

i just got back from our local 'latvian pub night'. yes. we live in a neighborhood that has a large enough latvian population to have pub nights. it was my fist time and i must say, i think i might go again. i have a strange relationship with the latvian community. it's just like a relationship between most individuals and their families. hate it… love it… love it… like it… hate it… you love it and yet you want to get away from it.... but you go back and love it all over again. it was great to see some old friends. meet new people. see new faces. i had a great time! i counted 29 people tonight. some say there have been 35, 39, 42 people some nights. who knows which number is correct. none the less, i'm impressed. wow. i got to watch what i say on the streets around my place :-) never know who might understand...

someone just called me lazy... and i have a feeling it was my little sister. who else would have the guts to call me lazy? yeah, well... i might be getting a little sparse with my blogging, but i just won't take this abuse! i have important things to do when kaspar's asleep - like catching up on reading trashy novels, calling friends, watching bad movies, surfing the two channels on our twenty year old, 16" tv . besides, i need some down time, some pampering due to the great trauma i've suffered after this monday's elections. i had high hopes for the marihuana party, the green party would have been another good choice, but the conservatives won. oh, darn! the prime minister with plastic hair. c'est la vie!

i'd like to brag a little... but first let me knock on some wood, throw a pinch of salt over my left shoulder, pinch my right earlobe, hold a thumb or cross my fingers, and say a prayer, just to be on the safe side :-) kaspar has finally began to sleep. he's taking two naps a day (two to three hours) and going to bed at night around 8pm or 8:30. he's still not sleeping through the night, but he sleeps three, four hour stretches during he night. if we're very lucky, he'll go for 5 hours. and i wake up at 6am feeling much happier. and i spend the evening hours doing all those little things, i never had the chance to get to. it's great, really! i feel so blessed! not having to put him back to bed every hour makes all the difference in the world!

yesterday, i had to go into work for a few hours. there are a few things i have to help them out with now and then. it was a little odd. being in the office again. in some ways it almost felt like i had never been gone. except that i had kaspar sitting in my lap :-) it made me realize, that i'm really not ready to go back to the office. i wish i did not have to. but, but, but... glad i still have six months. except that the six months pass so fast!

i'm drawing a blank. staring at the screen and wondering what else i was planning to write about. ha. it's not a creative sort of a night for me. i must have spent all my creative juices over the course of the day. i've been working in the studio. this week has been productive and busy. chiao for now. i'm feeling tired! is today thursday or friday? loosing track of time...:-)

a post illness hangover

kaspar's got a post sickness hangover. he wakes up in the morning, has an hour of groggy playtime and falls right back asleep. kind of like someone with a really bad hangover. that's the only way i can describe it. he's sleeping so much, that sometimes i just have to go in the room to check if he's still breathing. he also sleeps often. however, i am totally paranoid that he will begin to confuse the day with the night. they warn you of these things in baby sleep books and baby help books. yeah! and i'm beginning to believe it... and i'm beginning to wonder. i hope it does not happen to us. on the other hand, i'm absolutely thrilled to have him sleep. even if it is during the day. ha, ha, ha. it's just so funny how with a baby it's never what you expect it to be. roller coaster. some of my friends, who have had two or more kids swear that this only happens with the first. is this true? apparently you only have this much time to worry about your first. well, i don't intend to try this theory anytime soon. and i'm enjoying every bit of this hectic roller coaster, at least today i am :-)

days like today only come every so often. steve was home all morning. we sent him out for kaspar's daily walk and they returned two hours later. i was able to work on some new pieces and some old pending orders. made an awesome ring for a dear old family friend! tried out some of my new tools. the new dye cut press cuts perfect circles 10mm in diameter with one blow of a mallet. besides the satisfaction of not having to saw them out, it's so therapeutic being able to hit the thing with the large rubber mallet. i love it. exploring my new tools is so much fun. i feel like a kid the day after christmas. tonight my camera has run out of juice, but i promise to show you my new tools one of these days. and maybe some of my new work, too. maybe...

tonight i plan to pamper myself (as a payoff for all the work that i did) and get myself a movie. i have no idea what, but i'm hoping that i'll be inspired once i get there. i still want to see the 'motorcycle diaries'. it's supposed to be a good film. well. now, i must go and put that kid to sleep so that my elaborate plan of movies and chips (or popcorn) can be fulfilled. last night i fell asleep a good half hour before he did (or so the story goes, when my mom tells it. i have no recollection of falling asleep). he, he, he...

i hate to be wrong, usually

yeah. usually it's the other way around, but this time - i hate to say i was right. kaspar's so called teething fever did turn into a cold. we have had a few days of feverish coughing, sneezing and general unhappiness. it has been a little rougher on me then on kaspar himself, i think. he pulled through it with flying colours and is almost back to his old self today, but i've been a little exhausted by it all. it's much harder to sleep in a sitting position with a 6 month old on your chest then it was with a 1 month old. that said, i'm still glad that kaspar's first real cold came only now and not earlier. he's old enough, that we've been able to communicate in a way.

otherwise the week has been pretty uneventful. i've been catching up with orders, while kaspar's been napping during the day. being sick has done some good - he's finally been sleeping well during naptime. this week we have had regular 3 hour long naps during the early part of the day. now, if we could only do the same at night... oh, i do count my blessings! having three hours to do some work, answer some emails and shower and all that has truly been wonderful.

tonight i'm keeping my post short. sort of tired. just watched the news. politically - nothing interesting. the elections are on monday. kaspar was planning on voting ndp but, he's considering a last minute change of heart. the green party candidate is cute. he was definitely sweet with her, when she came canvassing. i didn't even have to talk politics. a baby in my arms is a very good distraction! the weather is supposed to be weird for the next few days. more rain and snow. probably more rain for us, since we're right in the city. today was awesome, though. i was out in a sweater. +10 again! i don't miss the winter at all. oh.. i did hear about something very interesting today. on the radio... they talked about dogs. a study, where dogs have been used to detect cancer. some dogs can detect cancer in people. isn't that just fascinating? the world never ceases to amaze me... on that note, i'll call it a night.

lazy day

oh. we had a total lazy day. we got up early, but for some reason we never got organized enough to make it to the movie theatre on time. i could blame it on kaspars unwillingness to get dressed, but i don't think that would be fare, considering that i was still in my pj's when steve's client arrived at 11 am. we did get out of the house, somewhat on time. i thought we might still make it, but by the time we made it to the front door of paradise, we were 20 minutes late and decided to abort the plan to learn about english classics. instead we went to the value village that's near by. it was a great day for value village! kaspar was thrilled about all the action and sat upright in his stroller and chatted for a long time. when he finally started to get tired, we did the speed walking thing through the men's department isles, which were practically empty. he fell asleep in less then 5 minutes and i was free to shop. and shop i did! value village is one amazing place. for those of you, who might not know the shop - it's a very large second hand shop chain in toronto (or is it all of canada?) kind of like 'humpalu bodes' in latvia. or goodwill or salvation army shops. you get the general idea, right? well. we had great luck today. for 25 dollars (including taxes!) kaspar got 3 long sleeve shirts, 2 jackets, pair of overalls, a padded mountain co-op vest in bright orange, a pair of pants and a t-shirt. isn't that amazing? not only is that a lot of clothes, but half the stuff was from baby gap (where new things are usually way too expensive!) and some of the items were brand new (tags and everything). go figure! so. we had an awesome time shopping, then we still went to vicky's tai food for some great yummy lunch, or was it dinner... maybe we could call it early dinner. we got home shortly after 4pm and even though kaspar had only slept for about an hour in the early afternoon, he was very happy and chipper. i almost began to believe that he will not nap again and began to plan an early night with him. but then, he fell asleep at 6pm. just like that. no crying, no fussing.... just fell asleep. i crossed my fingers and hoped that he might sleep right through, into the night, but he did get up at 9pm. usually this can be bad news, but between my mom and i, we managed to keep him very entertained and busy for an hour and by 10pm he started to get sleepy. he finally fell asleep at 10:40. yeah... i'm not all that good with consistency, when it comes to schedule. he handles it well, actually, for such a little fellow.

oh my, it's been five days since my last post

oh dear. where do the days go? i cannot believe that it's been so long since my last post. sorry... first of all i have to thank you all for the ooooodles of advice on sleeping and babies! i must have read about a dozen articles and have now in my possession five books on sleeping. i will have to set some time aside to study, i think. also, thanks for all your concerns regarding my 'sinking feelings'. thanks for all your good wishes. the issue has resolved itself marvelously and i'm feeling a 100% better! :-)

i have learned a few things from all the articles and advice. first: a lot of people believe that allowing a baby to cry him/herself to sleep is the thing to do. second: there is really no 'normal' when it comes to baby's sleep patterns, no matter what the books tell you. third: my kid is actually doing better then the average 6 month old. he can fall asleep on his own, and even though he fusses, he does not scream, while falling asleep (thank god, because i would hate that!!!). fourth: early teethers are bad sleepers, you just have to live with it (i'm quoting an article from 'mothering' magazine) fifth: i keep reading about ways to make a baby fall asleep, but i still have no clue how to keep my kid from waking every hour or so. just wait...one of these days, i'll be an expert on that, too!

the last few days have been interesting. we've had some strange weather! some days have been very warm (+10) and then cold again. kaspar and i have been trekking through high park for hours on the warm days, catching some sun and walking up a sweat. it almost felt like spring a couple of days ago. today is cold again. very cold, in fact. but, i don't know... i think these excessively warm temperatures in january are not healthy. i've managed to catch a bit of a sore throat, kaspar is sniffling and was feverish for a couple of days (even though our doctor things it's all due to teething)and i keep hearing from friends and relatives about kids getting sick. none the less, i have enjoyed every bit of this warm weather. it sure makes me understand why some people choose the west coast. well, except i would not trade our winter for the month of rain that vancouver has had!

what else is new? kaspar's language skills are evolving very fast. yesterday he learned to repeat the sound 'k'. we spent almost an hour naming all the 'k' things that we could think of, as he just kept repeating 'k' 'k' 'k' and giggling his heart out, every time. it's absolutely fascinating to watch him grow! the other favourite word these days is 'blja' (sound it out phonetically). i'm glad that most of our friends and family do not speak russian, as this could be potentially understood as a very rude russian swear word. yesterday, we were out on bloor street (where you hear a lot of russian) and he was just repeating it, over and over again. i had to laugh! i wonder if any of the russian ladies heard him?

kaspar's recent favourites are the telephone and the microphone. it must have something to do with him watching us talk on both (we use a microphone, when talking through a program called skype, when we call overseas). he can have a lap full of toys, but if there is a phone or a mike visible, he will not play with any of the toys, but will reach towards the phone and complain in protest, when unable to get it in his grip. up until today he kept trying to bite into the phone or the mike, but today, while i was typing some e-mails he got a hold of the mike and started babbling into it. he's beginning to get the idea!

tomorrow i intend to educate him (kaspar, that is!) a little in english classics. they say it's good to start early. m4m is showing pride and prejudice. i hope it's the new version, because i don't think i could watch the 1995 version one more time. we'll see if he takes after his dad and sleeps through most of it... we’re leaving dad at home to do some recording sessions, while the house is quiet.

we also have some work on the agenda. i hope that i can steal away to the studio for a few hours tomorrow, while kaspar sleeps. i have inherited some wonderful new tools (including a rolling mill!) from an old latvian jeweller and cannot wait to have some time to set them up. a new line of jewellery is in the works! it turns out that all i needed for inspiration was a new tool.

that sinking feeling...

i've just found out some bad news. and even though i don't want to share the actual news, (sorry to all you, curious folk out there. and for those of you, who might be worried - no, no one died and no one is sick!) i feel like sharing with you that sinking feeling, that hard knot in the bottom of my stomach, the worry caught in my throat... i hope that you will send prayers and good thought for me out into the universe... in fact, i feel better already! sharing sadness is important. just as important as sharing joy!

kaspar has begun to stand on his own, well, relatively speaking. of course, he's holding on for his dear life. sometimes he'll lean on to the toy or a chair or my knee, but he loves it to the point of giggling and laughter, ever time i let go of my hold on him. he still does not sit for more then 30 seconds without falling over, but he can stand for almost the same length of time, as long as he's holding on to something sturdy. he has discovered standing and wants to stand, not sit... so, he does just that. the willpower of this kid! what are we in for a few years down the road? uh.

since our kid seems so determined at such an early age, i thought perhaps letting him read the parenting magazines might just help us out, a little. if you have not noticed - this issue has an article called the "ultimate sleep guide". perhaps the wisdom can be absorbed, somehow? we're still fighting sleep. tonight, since he went to bed, for some reason or another he's been waking up every half hour. i cannot even remember what it feels like to be asleep for more then two hours at a time.

well. it's almost 11:00. i'm calling it a night. steve's done work early tonight, he just got in. i might just have to stick him with some baby time, tonight. just in case you have good advice, don't hesitate to share! but serial just before bed does nothing for my kid! he ate a good half cup of it, tonight, and we have no results whatsoever. patience.... got to remember... patience.... :-)

new developments in the life of kaspar

he's talking. yup. it's all about a-ba-ba-ba-be-be-be-be a-a-a-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-bah, a-bi-bi-boo-boo, a-ba-ba-ba, a-ba-ba-ba-be-be-be-be a-a-a-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-bah, a-bi-bi-boo-boo, a-ba-ba-ba,a-ba-be-be-be-be a-a--boo-boo-boo-boo-bah, a-bi-bi-boo-boo, a-ba-ba-ba and it goes on and on. it's like he's telling stories the length of at least five or six sentences. it just started this morning. before today it was just a ga-ga or a-ma-ma and that's it. but now.... let me tell you. he's expressing emotions and all that jazz. when he gets upset that i'm not picking him up, he goes on in an upset tone of voice, slightly faster, slightly louder: "a-ba-ba-ba-be-be-be-be a-a-a-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-bah, a-bi-bi-boo-boo, a-ba-ba-ba,a-ba-be-be-be-be a-a--boo-boo-boo-boo-bah..." it's fascinating, really! tonight, just before falling asleep he said up-up-up... then stopped and repeated the same thing again. soon after i realized that he needed to be picked up for a burp. as soon as i picked him up and burped him, he fell asleep. i swear - he was asking to be picked up! well. i know.... he probably has no clue what he's saying, but it's fun and exciting for me none the less. and, against all odds, i'd like to believe that he is trying to communicate some things. his own way, of course.

the other absolutely surprising thing - he's been sleeping today. for the first time in his life kaspar took two 3 hour long naps and still was ready for bed at 9pm. like normal babies, he wanted to sleep!!! it must be all the talking... he must be exhausted trying to communicate. :-) it's absolutely wonderful! i wish it would happen more often. oh, but i should not even say it or think it... or else... well. it was really strange. he woke up this morning, as usual at about 7am. steve took him for an hour. then he had his breakfast and we played for a while. by 11am he was fast asleep. usually the morning naps last 30 minutes. if we're lucky 45. rarely has he slept for more then an hour and a half. today - he slept until 2pm! yes! i kept going in to check if he was still breathing. then... at about 4pm, i decided to keep my own promises and go for a long walk. kaspar was beside himself as i tried to get him dressed for the walk. he still hates getting dressed! but we managed. we got out of the house shortly after 4pm and walked for almost 2 hours. it was a gorgeous afternoon. the snow was slowly sifting throughout the air. everything white and pretty. it's so much brighter and nicer, when the ground is covered with fresh snow! when we got back to the house, he was still asleep. i shoveled the snow. talked to the neighbors. and finally brought the stroller inside. he kept sleeping. i took the blanket and mittens off. still asleep. he slept until 7pm. then he was up for two hours and went right back to sleep at 9pm. am i in for a nasty night of wakefulness????

inspiration

inspiration seems hard to come by these days. i'm feeling the turkey in my veins, i think. (observation based on a 'steve theory'*) these first few days of the new year have been rather drab and rainy and gray and i have been feeling just the same. drab. rainy and gray. today the sun came out and kaspar and i went for a first long walk in what seems to have been weeks, well... days for sure! i'm determined to see a glimpse of light on the horizon of gray and drab. :-)

this morning i spent hours weeding through consumer reviews and web sites and questions about what car seat to buy for kaspar. i know, i know.... it seems silly to be spending so much time on such a small task. but, have you seen the choices out there? have you ever though about 4 point harness positioning or five point? choosing a seat from 5-80 pounds or 10-70? one that tilts 30% or one that reclines 45%? graco, cosco, perego? i had never even heard of some of these things! and all that does not even take the 'visual' appearance or fabric or colour into consideration. where would we be without internet? probably buying the first seat that looked decent and saving all this grief and time trying to choose the perfect model. right? i know... i feel like the whole information age is a bit of a catch 22. but... we bought kaspar a new convertible car seat that should last him well into his childhood. at least until he's about five or six. he loves it. looks like a king on a throne! thanks for a christmas gift - grandma, grandpa & oma!

it's funny how baby issues are swallowing up my days even while kaspar sleeps. i'm feeling more unorganized and hectic then usual, but hoping to resolve it by making some new years resolutions. i never had the time to think about it before the first of january. however, having recently been inspired by a few friends of mine, who seem to be making their new years resolutions as they go, during the month of january, i hope to follow suit. my first resolution - get back into taking daily walks. and i don't mean the sorts of walks, where we leave the house and return within 10 or 15 minutes. that's not even enough to get kaspars nose cold! second - get 2005 finances organized and hand in tax return on time. this one i might be forced to keep if only for one reason - i want to go to latvia to visit my folks before i go back to work. and yes, tax return is usually a great way to get a little extra unplanned cash! and third - take time for myself, just a little, but every day. and that does not necessarily mean writing this blog. i think that's good enough for the first 6 days of this year.

oh, the pressure. the first post for 2006. ahhhhhh. ok. i'm not about to let it get me all worried. talk of importance or no importance. who cares. you can read it or not read it. all the same. right? well. who am i kidding. it's not all the same. i want you to read it. of course i do. or else i would just write on a piece of paper in the drawer of my bedside table, wouldn't i? so. 2006. what's new with all of you, out there in blog land?

i went to see my dentist a couple of weeks ago. actually, it was my dentist's hygienist. they keep me well on track with dental work. i think it's because i have insurance and they feel they can bring me back whenever necessary (or not?) without me raising any complaints. it's nice to have the luxury of having a cleaning every four or five months! well... after the visit, the hygienist gave me a toothbrush for kaspar. i'm not sure if she was serious. i sure as heck, did not take it seriously! how could i - he only had one tooth and it's not one that's going to last him long, either. but i gave kaspar the tooth brush as a toy, when i got home. and. believe it or not - the kid loved it. if i ever want to keep him quiet and playing for any amount of time, all i have to do is hand him a tooth brush and all is well. he loves it! he chews and brushes and plays with for many minutes at a time (many minutes is long for a five month old!!!). what a wonderful idea. i wonder if she knew??? anyhow.... the toothbrush has became a favourite, just like the wooden spoon!

favourites never last long with babies, i've noticed. in september, kaspars grandparents came for a visit and showered him with baby clothes. some of may favourite outfits! i love some of the little clothes they make for kids these days, yes, even boys. i thought they were going to last him well into the spring. yesterday i was trying to dress kaspar in one of the jackets and realized that the long sleeve jacket was fashionably 3/4 lenght sleeve now. and the jumper with feet only fits, if the buttons on the bum are left open. yes. i had to admit to myself, that he's outgrown many of the pieces of clothing that still populate his drawers. he's moved into the 9-12 month cloting ranks! it's absolutely crazy how fast this kid is growing.

well. i thought about writing more, but kaspar keeps waking up every half hour or so. i keep rocking him back to sleep, which takes about 10-15 minutes each time and as soon as i manage to sit down at the computer again... before i know it, he's awake again. when you don't know what's wrong - blame teething. i've been writing this short little entry for nearly two hours now and i'm sick and tired of it. so, i'm giving up and going to bed!