what happened to blogging?

Well. I'll give you three guesses. No! It has nothing to do with the picture above. The gorgeous little fellow in the above picture is Max (Maksimillians) my sister's baby boy born just a few days ago. But his birth has nothing to do with my lack of blogging. I just had to brag and let you all know that I have a gorgeous little nephew and I'm proud to be an aunt and he was born on MY name day! Talk about an awesome gift! As a matter of fact, the world of blogging had to be put on hold while I get acquainted with full time work once again and a new babysitter and in general a whole new situation here at home. It's been an adjustment! Let's just leave it at that. Or else I might start spilling my guts and not be able to stop. Ha, ha!

In the mean time, over the course of the last four weeks a lot has changed. Stella has now six teeth (seven and eight about to cut through, any day now) and is beginning to talk. I mean - she's serious about talking, even if I do not understand a single word of it. I'm sure she's using words, though. I'm sure she knows what she's talking about. You can tell from her expression that she's not just mumbling sounds - she's talking.

Last week Stella also began walking. The first three steps in a row she took a couple of months ago, but last week she began walking and knowing that she's walking. Last Sunday, in fact, we were having dinner with some friends and she stood up, took about four little steps and looked at everyone and grinned and then squealed... It was very cute. Almost as if she was saying: "Everyone, did you see that? I did it! I can do it!" From that day on she has been walking more and more every day. She gets into the "downward dog" like yoga position and slowly lifts herself off the ground, (stands up in a way that I could never manage) balances herself for a few seconds and then dashes forward, two, three, four... sometimes five or six steps before she falls forward, always catching herself on the palms of her hands, with her bum up in the air. Sometimes, if the "walk" has been fast enough and the momentum is still going she manages to fall right on her forehead, because her head still seems to be heavier then her bum. But she never complains, just gets back down on all fours and continues to her destination crawling. If she feels extra strong, she sometimes gets back up on her feet and walks...

Well, I better just cut myself off. I have to make it to work before 10am. Ciao. I hope to write more, soon.

not so proud

Well. I have to admit that every time I give into the temptation I feel bad. So, no! I'm not proud to admit this.... and... this comes from a mother who is proud to watch her kid's blank face at shcool, when most of the other kids hoo, humm and haaaa at the word "McDonald's". Indeed, only a week ago I asked Kaspar if he knew what McDonald was and he responded "Maybe... it's a truck driver? What do you think, mommy?" But we do have a Pizza Pizza in the neighbourhood and Kaspar must take after me, because he loves pizza, chips, french fries, sausage, salami and pretty much anything savory and salty. So, today after spending over an hour running errands with Stella and Kaspar in tow I resigned to having lunch at PizzaPizza. I was pleasantly surprised by their Thai Chicken slice myself and Kaspar had just the best time picking the pepperoni off his own slice. But the most surprising thing was a large flat screen TV in the corner of the shop (which I admit, I had not noticed before) and as we were waiting for our order it was showing a channel called PizzaTV and I felt like I was having a total breakdown, because the first thing I noticed them showing was Elliott Brood's video called "The Bridge". At first I thought - I must be seeing things! Is that what happens when your hubby goes on the road for weeks at a time? Then it dawned on me... no, this is for real. And I thought - Oh shoot, the artist must have needed cash pretty bad to sell the same cartoon to PizzaPizza. But it turned out to be the real Elliott Brood video with the name and caption at the end and everything legitimate, even the Six Shooter logo and name appearing as their label. So, I worry for no reason one again. But it really is weird walking into a PizzaPizza and watching an Elliott Brood video with no sound as I'm placing my order. Weird. I just do not get it.

let me tell you

Let me begin by telling you the story about Al. He lives two doors down from us. He's a really nice fellow in his fifties, who lives alone and is always ready to lend a helping hand. He loves his leaf blower and his beer. Al has always put up the most extreme Christmas decorations on his huge tree in the front yard. But we wait to see what will happen this year, because the tree was just cut down a week ago. The city deemed it too old and sick to leave standing. Sadly. But that's another story. Al is tall and skinny and sports what I could describe as the Kim Mitchell look. You know, the long thin hair, the trucker's cap (with mesh in the back and in some hideous colour), aviator's glasses, a well worn t-shirt, old leather jacket or windbreaker, jeans... you get the picture? A few days ago I decided that it was time to give Kaspar a hair cut. His hair had grown long enough to pull into a mini pony tail and was bothering his vision in the front. What did he reply? "No! I want to grow my hair like Al's!!!" Who was I to argue? He knew what he wanted. We had to come to some sort of a compromise. So, Kaspar ended up with a mullet. I think the "mullet" style runs in his blood. His dad had a mullet for years, after all.

lost

This morning I found myself in one of those situations, where you begin questioning your own sanity.

It was a relatively calm morning. Kaspar was once again playing garbage man and unloading ALL of his toys onto his bed (the garbage truck). Stella was happily playing with the zipper of my purse. All doors and safety latches were done up and closed. So, I decided that it was safe for me to lock myself in the bathroom for about three minutes to do the things that people do in bathrooms on their own. Sometimes I don't have the luxury of privacy in my bathroom... but this morning I thought I'd take the chance while everyone was calm and happy.

Upon reentering the bedroom I realized that Stella had managed to get into my zipped up purse and pull out everything onto the floor. So what! A few ripped bills? A destroyed lipstick. Nothing worth worrying about. The day goes on.... until.... I pack the kids up and get ready to go to the store. And I cannot find my wallet.

I search. I tear the house apart. I get the kids dressed and undresses several times. I go back and forth between the house and the garage several times. In the end I tell myself that I'm 99.99% sure that it was in my purse. Back to the indoors. I rearrange the entire bedroom. Go through clean and dirty laundry. Go through everything that Stella might have gotten into. I start to feel like I'm going crazy. Nothing. Two hours pass. Nothing. Three hours. I'm still searching. In the middle of it all, the phone rings. A very apologetic voice on the other end asks for me. It's or RESP fund manager calling and being very sorry about disturbing me on a Sunday. I'm so frustrated I want to yell at her. I take a deep breath, take a break from searching and try to deal with whatever is about to come my way. I'm already expecting some tragedy, but She's only asking me to check my son's birth certificate, because of some mistake SHE has made on the application. Thank goodness that's all! So, I'm opening the "filing cabinet" which is really just a cardboard filing box under the desk in the bedroom... and yes... my wallet is right there! Sitting amongst the first few files. Nice and neat.

I yelled so loud that she must have thought I was nuts. I felt so happy about her calling that I almost invited her for dinner and called her an angel. She definitely thought I was nuts! I even made her listen to my entire sob story about my wallet and shed a few tears of joy while telling it. Madness!

Stella must have managed to pull out my wallet, go through everything else in the purse as well as stuff the wallet through the banker's box handle hole into the box, all within minutes of leaving her alone in the room. How is that possible? And the hole is only an inch bigger then the wallet.

I don't get it!

tais vecos labos laikos

"Tais vecos laikos, es reiz spēlēju hokeju!"

Last night my three year old sits down next to me, sighs a deep sigh and tells me: "Back in the good old days I played hockey." I sit there, perplexed. Even though he's telling me this in perfect Latvian, it sounds so ancient. So old and wise. Especially coming from a three year old kid. It almost cracks a smile on my face. But I cannot laugh. He's being totally serious. I'm pretty sure I know this phrase does not come from a movie or a book. I hardly have any books on hockey in Latvian. I have to admit, I don't even know what he's trying to tell me. With all seriousness, I begin to quiz him. And after a while the meaning dawns on me. He remembers last winter, playing hockey, skating and watching the hockey players in the park. But last winter to a three year old is like "good old days" to a seventy five year old, I guess. The things you learn being a parent. But, I still have not figured out where he came up with such a wise old way of wording it.

things we do

I'm enjoying a brief moment of quiet. It's Saturday morning and Kaspar is in school until 1pm. It's relatively calm at home, when he's away, I must say! He's not just a fast paced, on the go, non stop kind of a kid... he's also become very competitive as far as his sister is concerned. Even though I try to take time that I spend with him and only him, every single day, I think he still secretly thinks that mommy belongs to HIM and only HIM and he's not willing to share. Or does it only because he has not figured out a way to NOT share, yet. Some days I feel like I need some circus lessons to be able to keep both of them happy and occupied.

I started work part time last week. Even though for the time being I have to go only once a week, I realize that my mom will have her hands full with the kids while I'm gone. The other day she practically collapsed when I walked in the door after work. I've applied to another two co-ops in our area for some daycare time for Kaspar. The waiting lists in our part of town are unbelievable! So, it's probably unlikely that we will get in before he begins school next fall. I'm only beginning to learn about all these things... and what a steep learning curve it is! Any programme that is geared for kids ages 2-5 in Toronto and is affordable is full. Every waiting list is a year long. Every spot is spoken for. Every seat is taken. It's amazing, really! I have to remember to register him for JK at our local school within the next month or I might not get a spot there either. I'd hate to have to ship him accross town to another school on a school bus at age 4. Oh, the things I have to learn to keep up with!!! !!!

abuse

If you saw a woman (let's say on a beach or at a pool) and she was covered in small, penny size, round little bruises, her torso, arms, neck, parts of the rib cage... all covered in little varying brown and yellow little bruises. What would you think? Abuse? Torture? Self inflicted torture? HA! I bet you the last thing that would come to your mind would be BABY! Right? I was standing in front of a mirror this morning counting them all (14 visible at the given moment) and applying "Arnica" tonic to the spots. Stella is a pincher and the older she gets the harder she pinches. And recently she has begun to pinch' n' twist. The pinch' n' twist leaves the darkest bruises. Maybe if I did not bruise so easily... but, boy, does it ever look weird. I'm starting to train her not to do it, but it's not as easy as you'd think. The pinching is a sort of a calming mechanism for her it seems. When she's really upset - she pinches. When she's really tired and falling asleep in my arms she pinches. When she's really hungry - she pinches. When she eats - she sometimes pinches, too. And the more she pinches the faster she calms down. Strange bird!

breakdancing?

Judging from the third picture in the series you might think she's break dancing. No! She noticed me with the camera and tried to take a step towards me without holding on to the couch. Need I say more? Stella is close to walking, but still long way to go before she figures out the balance thing on her own. Of course it does not help to have a "bear" hiding under the couch and cheering (or should I be totally honest?) more like "roarrr-ing" her on. Kaspar is constantly pretending to be a bear, a moose, a lion, a wolf, a big bird or .... a garbage man. Sometimes he lets me pick which I want to see. But for Halloween he's going to be a giraffe. He's got no choice in the matter this year.

mischief

Oh boy! Toilet paper, tissue, books, Kleenex... you name it. This is my personal little shredder, who gets into everything all the time. She knows she's not allowed. She just grins and squeals and tries to get away, when caught red handed. Tearing and shredding things is one of her favourite past times! And being so tall, she able to coax a Kleenex box off the kitchen table, without much work, if it's left too close to the edge. We try to make sure the bathroom doors stay closed all the time, but I've noticed that she's figured out how she can slide her little fingers under the door (between the door and the step) and tug a few times and sure enough, after a while the door gives. We live in an old house where the door handles do not latch as properly as they should. :-) Oh, life with a toddler!!!

week from h.e.l.l.

Looking at these two, you'd hardly believe that I can title a post "week from hell". But it is... sometimes life just has a way of getting under my skin. And this week has been one of those weeks that I'd rather not ever have repeat. However, if I have to be fair the kids have been absolutely wonderful. In fact, they are the only ones keeping me grounded right now. Kaspar came up to me a couple of days ago and said: "I think you need a break. I think I'll just sit here and hold your hand, so that you can feel better." Talk about a perceptive three year old!

Let's see if I can list a few things that have made me go completely bonkers. I think I'm just begging for some sympathy here, aren't I? Oh well... right now I just need to get it off my chest.

I'll begin with... Our phone broke (without me fully noticing it for a day or two). That would not have been a tragedy if my merchant account manager had not called during those specific two days and assumed that I had either closed the business or moved the business and proceeded to file a closure of my merchant account with visa/mc. All this only a week after I had discovered that the same company has "lost" 3000$ of mine. They were taking longer then usual "looking into the matter" and then my account got closed... so, they stopped "looking into the matter". It took me several days to sort that one out. Several days of several hours on the phone and fax and email. I still don't have the money... They are still "looking into it". God, give me patience!

In the middle of the week some work that was supposed to be done by my casting company never came through. And you have to understand, this company NEVER has done this to me. They have been absolutely impeccable for the last ten years. But they messed up. They chose this week to mess up. And I had to deal with a very upset and angry client, who will probably never speak to me again and proceed to let everyone know about me being unreliable (it's a Latvian client... and the Latvian society here in the city is so small... the word will get around... I'm sure).

On Thursday morning I found out that my mom and I have been asked to make food for 60 people on THIS Friday night. And it's not like I was sitting with my hands in my lap in the mean time. I was getting ready for a sale on Saturday and scrambling to get some work finished before the sale. So, having been brought up right and knowing that you cannot say no to friends in need, I put my life on hold and went shopping on Thursday and did a bunch of prep work while entertaining the kids and continuing talks with my bank and having my arms greasy up to my elbows.... talk about multitasking. (The tenderloin roast with a tangy basil sauce turned out so well that I was tempted to keep it and not share!)

On Friday morning just after 11am, as my mother and I, and Stella and Kaspar packed into the car and made the first delivery... the car blew up. Well, OK, I am exaggerating a tad bit here. It stopped working and as we tried to start the car it just huffed and puffed and blew billowing clouds of smoke in the air and finally was towed to the Volvo dealership. It had just been serviced there at the beginning of the week and given a clean bill of health. What gives? I still have no idea what happened to the car, but was forced to abandon all my plans for Friday, let my mom finish all the food prep and I had the pleasure of dealing with towing, car dealerships and mechanics, who (as I discovered just this Friday!) speak a different language then me. I know NOTHING about cars!!!

On top of it, I had to find a car to get to the show the next morning, which happened to start bright and early and was out in the middle of nowhere, about 1.5h north of Toronto. At about 8pm, when I had finally found a car to borrow and arranged to have everything in place for 7am the next morning, my arranged babysitter for the kids for Saturday called in sick. That topped the whole day! I wish someone could have just called the mental hospital and had me admitted... I so much so did not want to deal with any of this. I cried and kicked the wall and woke up Kaspar doing it. And cried some more... I pretty much had a nervous breakdown and am recovering as we speak. Miraculously, my "Latvian connections" bailed me out, once again. I'm sure my friend Tania would say "I knew it!" right about now. So, even though I still feel like I'm recovering from a breakdown, I do feel blessed. And thankful for every friend I have ever had and those that I still have... and all the people I meet in my life. I'm turning the corner and hoping for a better week ahead. God bless you all out there... ...